You are what I remembered first,
You.
I will never understand you.
Damnit I was Four.
It was beautiful autumn day.
The trees where bare and leafs covered the ground.
But all I remember is you.
Took my life and innocence.
The feeling of the that brick on my back
Scratched up by your pulling and pressing.
The view of the autumn leaves.
My bible fell open on the ground.
The sound of your breath, gasps, and groans
And the church choir singing
The taste of your seed and the salt from my tears in my mouth.
I plead for you to leave,
But you said
Allie, if you love you will take me your mouth,
I said "N..noo"
You pushed so hard I gagged and chocked.
I could not speak or scream.
You held my little wrists so I could not fight back.
I often wondered, why?
Why me?
I still have the scars from your nails
The flesh you ripped to getting into me.
I cried in pain and shame.
I had to see you ever week
That the place with the cross on-top.
Now I'm broken.
Pure once but now I am wrecked.
You whispered in my ear
That I was perfect and I would always be yours.
I hate you, and you alone are the only person I will ever hate.
You always leer at me, even years later you brush your hands on my skin,
like you own me.
It was 16 years ago but I am still haunted by you.


My boyfriend thinking I'm crazy, I wake up screaming at least twice a week.
I can never tell him what I dream about.
How he can't never protect me from it.

The guy.....
He died.... last year in a car crash.... it is wired that i cried?
I felt like this needed to come out.

I really hope someone reads this.
Peace and Love
-Allie